Afterlife Hypocrisy

Why do many people who have strong religious beliefs weep, moan, wail and mourn when a family member or friend dies? I'm not talking about children dying here --- that's a whole different blog with an entirely different tone.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you believe in God and your faith is strong and true, then you believe in Heaven in one form or another? I f you believe in Heaven, isn't it the final destination? Christian, Jew, Muslim, etc., isn't attaining the joy of Paradise for eternity the reason for all of our trials and tribulations in this our earthly existence? Isn't it? Am I wrong?

If I'm right, if that's our 'goal', then why are we supposed to moan, wail and weep when someone we love moves from the pain of a mortal existence into that better place?

I think we should be sad, unhappy or even heartbroken that we can no longer share our daily lives with the deceased, but to let our lives be ruled by "He's dead, he's gone"? I don't understand months or years of mourning. Feel the loss forever, but admit that you're being selfish because you miss them. When someone dies, celebrate their life, celebrate their attaining Heaven, but don't get all freaky-deaky and wear black and a veil and deny yourself a happy life like some sects insist on doing.

In some religions there are a plethora of rules and rituals surrounding death but too few of them are about celebration. They most often about pain and misery and the cessation of living for the survivors, especially widows. I like the Irish approach: get drunk and party to celebrate the life that was. I could do without having the deceased's remains propped up in the parlour, but the rest of it works quite well for me.

If a family member dies before us, shouldn't our thoughts be something like "Damn, I'm going to miss her. Lucky her, she made it to Paradise. I'll see her when I get there myself, but I'm in no hurry toquit this gift called Life. I'll live well, make her proud, and be ready whenever my own turn comes."?

Why isn't it that simple? Why do we make a bigger hullabaloo about a person's death than we do about their life? And why do we have to speak well of the dead, even if they were an asshole? They're in Paradise, they don't care! Is it because they're not here to defend themselves against trash talk? Or is it because we don't want to jinx our own place in that same Paradise by being disrespectful? Yes, I think that's it. It's all about us and our attainment of Paradise. All this wailing, moaning and weeping crap is about us missing them, us not having them here, us having to stay behind and keep dealing with life, us being stuck with the bills, the brats and the bullshit. Us, us, us.

A better, more honest emotion would be anger ---"why did she have to leave me so soon?" or joy --- "He's moved on! He gets to see God Almighty! or even pride (I don't believe it's always the deadly sin the Church would have us believe) --- "I'm proud of the life he lived and the sacrifices he made." These are honest emotions. As a matter of fact, there's really nothing wrong with feeling selfish emotions, just so long as we admit we're being selfish and stop deluding ourselves and others as to our true motivations. Personally, I think a lot of mourning rituals have sprouted from fear that for all the yak about God and Heaven and being a Righteous Person, many people don't really, truly believe that there's a Heaven and they have a place in it.

So, have I jeopardized my own place in whatever Paradise I believe in because I disagree with and challenged your sacred traditions? Not according to my belief system, and that's really what this is all about. I may not agree with you and I may say you're a hypocrite, but I will defend your right to believe in whatever silly rituals you believe in, just so long as it brings no harm to others.

Love me, hate me, curse me, but that's all I have to say about that.

Ciao for now.

Tim Reynolds.
Author of Stand Up & Succeed
www.StandUpAndSucceed.com